Hello my Bright and Happy People! I want to talk to you about your weight today. Weight is such a sensitive issue for so many people that it has become something hard to talk about. I'm not skinny. In fact, if you try to classify my weight scientifically, I'm under the Obese category. I was an athlete for most of my life so I carry it pretty well, but it's still there. I've had a really hard time with it too. Being a dancer, basketball player, and softball player, your appearance and physical strength have away of defining you and the abilities you can contribute to your team. When I was in high school, I thought that my weight meant that I was the one who couldn't have a lot of playing time, I was the one who didn't get a lot of male attention, I was the one who wouldn't succeed. I truly believed that I was destined to be the "funny" friend who had a decent job, but never really did anything with herself. That was probably my worst nightmare. I have wanted to be successful and rich for as long as I can remember. I even remember being a little girl and pretending and dreaming about being successful. I really didn't know what it meant, but I knew that I wanted to be it. I knew that I wanted to be able to go around saying that I was successful in my life. As I grew older, that desire grew stronger, a tentative definition grew, and my fear that it was never going to happen started to appear. I always doubted that it would happen. I worked hard. Really hard. I never was at the top of my class, but I was always willing to help anyone who needed it. I was the first one to volunteer to help the teacher and I was the first one to stay late and help clean up. I really wanted to be successful.
As I started high school, I was in four sports, numerous clubs - I even started my own, and had several Advanced Placement classes. My success definition had hardened into something applicable for high school. I would be successful if I was a part of the Top 20. I would be successful if I got into a good college. I did everything I could to make sure that I stayed in the Top 20. I was so focused on being a successful leader that my basketball coach told me that I wasn't going to play any court time, but that he wanted me on the team because I was somewhat a leader.
All of my fears and my struggle to work as hard as I could so I could declare myself successful has continued for the past few years. Even as I went through college and "matured," I still struggled with all of this. I feared that I would never become successful as my weight grew higher and higher. I countered that fear by taking on more and more projects, obligations, and responsibilities. This in turn raised my stress levels which caused me to stress eat even more and thus my weight continued to rise. It is a vicious cycle that I couldn't seem to grab a hold of to make it stop. I just watched as it went round and round.
However, the cycle has seemed to have paused. I can't say stopped because honestly, it will take more than two weeks to know if it actually has stopped, but it has for sure paused. Want to know what made it pause? Of course you do - you've read this far down. Two things made it pause: Denise Duffield-Thomas and her video "Can you be fat and rich?" and Amy Schumer's interview on Ellen. These two women are beautiful, confident, and they are just too dang funny! Amy Schumer is a comedian so of course she's hilarious. Denise Duffield-Thomas is a money-block chopping ninja and she's adorable! These women tell it like it is. They don't care if you're uncomfortable. They don't care if you want them to shut up, they will keep talking.
From watching and learning and obsessing over all of the content that they give out, I have come to realize that the way I look is no indication of whether or not I will be successful. All of the hard work that I have been constantly and consistently putting in is going to allow me to officially say "I made it. I am successful." It is the connections I make, the kindness I have, and the intentions in my heart that will get me to where I desire.
Facetiming with my new friend, Stephanie Blossmer (soon to be Mrs. Conrad!) from noraconrad.com, I noticed that I constantly looked over at my face to make sure that my double chin wasn't showing too much. I would move the phone around into several different angles to try and make sure that I was in the best light. After watching Denise and Amy, I realize that Stephanie doesn't care what I look like. She talked to me before she even knew what I looked like and she is still talking to me now. I WILL be successful, regardless of what my weight is. While I probably should eat healthier and exercise more, I am not going to let the fact that I am not doing that derail me from making strides towards my success.